Risky

I really wanted to wear comfortable pants to Griff's music class yesterday. (We sit on the floor the whole time and dance around like crazy kids.) And, I really needed to do laundry. I had one pair of comfortable pants left in my closet. But, they had paint on them. For probably ten minutes, I debated whether or not I was actually allowed to wear those pants. What would people think of me? What would I say if someone asked whether I knew that I had paint on my pants? Would the women in the class judge me?

Have you ever felt this way? There are some days when I feel like such a high priority is placed on the appearance of things. When we worry about people thinking that we're not perfect. When intimacy is sacrificed, so that appearances can be upheld. At least, I know I have days like that.

God has been reminding me recently of the value of vulnerability. Being your real, honest, authentic self. I long for the relationships in my life where I can talk about the struggles and the joys. I truly want the people that I see every week to know me. But, sometimes it seems easier to just give people the quick, easy version of life, so things don't get messy. I think that we are created for so much more than that. Each of us is uniquely and beautifully made and has a gift to offer to others through friendships. Sure, there are sacrifices involved--you may end up being the listener when you don't expect it or being asked to babysit when you really don't want to. But, life opens up in new ways when we allow others in.

What I'm not saying is that every person in our lives should know every detail. I'm not saying that when the semi-stranger asks, "How are you?" you should launch into a five minute long rant about your broken washing machine. I'm not saying that you should confide in the woman at work who always know all the gossip.

What I am saying is that God places people in our lives. People who, just like me, long for deeper relationships. There are people at church, at music, in my neighborhood with whom I could have supportive, joyful friendships. But, so often, fear of rejection, vulnerability and betrayal holds me back. My prayer for myself and for you is that the risk of reaching out to someone else, while being truly you, won't feel so risky.

I did wear those pants to music class. And, you know what? While all the kids were dancing and playing instruments, I don't think anyone even noticed that I had paint on my pants.